Saturday, November 25, 2017

Holidays and Kittens

"Never give a kitten when a board game will suffice."

For those living in the red, white and blue of America, Thanksgiving just passed and the flood gates that is the Christmas (Xmas for short, just say "Christ" every time you see an "X" and just say "NO!" to drugs, unless the doctor prescribes them for you, then you might need to think a little more carefully) season are now open. Gawdy and awesome lights, blow up nativities and snowmen, assorted candy cane, leprechaun, and flamingo lawn art dots the landscape and blinds the psyche of anyone brave enough to look directly at them without protective lenses. It's the time of year when, at least for me, some of my faith in humanity is restored. Like with most things, we all just need a simple reminder or even just an opportunity to reach out and help someone in need and the Xmas holiday season is a great reminder.

Being a great reminder, it can feel like there are lots of requests for help as there are more than a few people who need a little something to make sure they and their loved ones have a happy holidays. With that, we are asking for some help for those in our communities of the exFLDS portion. They may not show up as much in the regular online exmormon communities (yet) but they are there and like any of us who leave a religion that encompasses our entire lives, they merit our love and support.

Something interesting that I did not know is that they don't celebrate holidays, like Xmas. Those of us who left the JW organization can relate to this as JWs don't celebrate the holidays either and especially the first time something like Xmas goes by, while it can be eyeopening and amazing, it can also leave one feeling a little dismayed.

This holiday season we are partnering with the charitable organization Cherish Families (a 501(c)3, for those interested), a group of local nonprofits, and Lindsay Hansen Park, an activist, feminist, podcaster and all around bad ass, among other things, to bring community together and provide these families with positive interactions.

We have put up lists of the items being asked for girls/women, the boys/men, and toys/games. Our Sparlock/Tapir community (vocal as well as silent) is awesome and steps up every time we put out a call for help. If you can, please help to make this holiday season a little brighter for those who have stepped out into the bright beautiful world from under their former FLDS faith.

You can see the original blog post about this Xmas drive here.

Listen to more of the stories of the FLDS and those that have left, at the Year of Polygamy podcast.

The reason for the season is people. People are good and you all are awesome.

If you are in need of help, you can reach us here.

If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433.

If you are LGBT+ and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564 or find them online here.

Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help.

Lastly, if you would like to be involved or volunteer, you can reach out to us here.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Toys and Games

Christmas Wish List: Short Creek Fams 2017

Thanks to everyone who helped! We'll update soon on how it went.

You can sign up to donate an item using this link and there are drop off/shipping locations in SLC, Draper, Hilldale and St. George (addresses provided in the link and will also be sent to your email). The other lists of items needed are

Anything you can help with is greatly appreciated.

Toys/Games

Item	Needed
Educational Toys (9-12 Mos.)	4
Baby Toys (24 Mos.)
Picture Books (24 Mos.)
Barbie Dolls	3
Toy Trucks	1
Sci-Fi Teen Books
Girl Pillows
Boy Pillows
Wagon	1
Basketball	1
Basketball Hoop	4
Basketball Gear	4
Star Wars Aything	3
Monopoly (Original Game)	1
Legos	8
RC Car for kids >10	5
Cowboy Hat (small boy)	1
Cowboy Hat (8-10 y/o boy)	1
Art Supplies	4
Paint Kit	1
Sled or Tube	4
Anything Nintendo
T-Ball Set	1
Earbuds	4
Bluetooth Earbuds	2
Drone	2
Headphones	7
Dinosaurs	3
Lamps	3
Non-Violent/Bloody XBox 1 Games
Action Figures	1
Kitchen Toy Set	1

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Boys/Mens List

Christmas Wish List: Short Creek Fams 2017

Anything you can help with is greatly appreciated.

Boys/Men

Clothes
	Size	Needed
Pants	2T	1
	4T	3
	5	1
	5/6 Husky	1
	6	1
	6 Slim	2
	7 Slim	2
	7/8	1
	8	4
	10/12	3
	12 Slim	1
	12/14	2
	14	1
	14 Slim	1
	16 Slim	2
	18 Slim	1
	18/20	1
	32x32	3
	32x34	1
	34x30	1
Jeans	30x32	3

Long Sleeve Shirt	12 Mos.	1
Long Sleeve Button Up	2T	1
	4T	3
	5T	2
	6T	2
	7/8	3
	8/10	1
	10/12	3
	12/14	3
	14/16	1
	18/20	1
	Sm. Mens	2
	Med. Mens	2

Jackets	12	4
	14/16	3
	Med. Mens	2

Boots	2 Boys	1
	2.5 Boys	2
	11 Boys	3
	12 Boys	2

Shoes	4 Boys	1
	6 Boys	2
	13 Boys	2
	1 Mens	1
	6 Mens	2
	8 Mens	2
	9.5 Mens	2

Pajamas	8	1

Misc. Debris	Costco Gift Cards
	Walmart Gift Cards
	Home Depot Gift Cards
	Boys Blanket King	1
	Boys Bedding Queen	1
	Beanies
	School Backpack	1
	Eagles Football Merch.	1
	Tool Set (real, not toys)
	Boys Bikes	9
Boys Belt	12/14	1
Diapers Huggies	4	2
Diapers Huggies	5	1
Baby Wipes		2
Slippers	Mens Lg.	1
Black Leather Gloves	Mens Lg.	1

Girls/Womens List

Christmas Wish List: Short Creek Fams 2017

Anything you can help with is greatly appreciated.

Girls/Women

Clothes
	Size	Needed
Pants	3-6 Mos.	1
	6-12 Mos.	1
	18 Mos.	1
	24 Mos.	1
	3T	1
	5T	2
	10 Slim	1
	14	3
	2/3 Jr.	1
	8 Wom.	1
	10 Wom.	1
Jeans	29/32	1
Leggings	8/10	1
Black Tights	14	1

Long Sleeve/
Winter Shirts/
Sweaters	3-6 Mos.	1
	6-12 Mos.	1
	18 Mos.	1
	24 Mos.	1
	3T	1
	5T	2
	8/10	1
	10/12	3
	12/14	1
	Jr. Sm.	1
	Jr. Med.	1
	Wom. Sm.	1
	Wom. Med.	1
	Wom. Lg.	1

Coats	Girls 7	1

Jackets	Ladies Sm.	2
	Ladies Med.	2

Boots	Sz. 3 little girl	2
	Sz. 4 little girl	4
	Sz. 9 little girl	1
	Sz. 5 Wom.	1
	Sz. 8 Wom.	1
	Sz. 8.5 Wom.	2
	Sz. 10 Wom. (no heel)	1
	Sz. 11 Wom.	1
Black/Brown Sandals	Sz. 9 Wom. (wide)	1
Dress Shoes	Sz. 4 little girl	2

Pajamas	6/7	1
	8/10	1
	Sm. Jr.	1

Misc. Debris	Ross Gift Cards
	Walmart Gift Cards
	Gloves	1
	Scarves	4
	Winter Warm Gear	4
	Hair Stuff	6
	Makeup	7
	Girl Blanket	3
	Notebook	1
	Journal/Diary	3
	Gymnastic Lessons	1
	Teen Girl Books (Manga)	1
	Candles	3
	Candle Warmers	3
Jewelry	Rings	1
	Necklace	1
	Bracelet	6
	2 in. Curling Iron	1
	Purse	1
	Pink/Purple Body Pillow	1
	Full Length Mirror (white)	1
	Little Girl Tea Set	1
	Bouncer/Jumper Seat	1
	Girl Bikes	6
Bathroom Towel Set	Med-Light Green/Bright Color	1
Slippers	Lg. Sz. 10	1
Ice Skates	8.5	1
Bathrobe	Ladies Sm.	1

Saturday, November 18, 2017

I like to sin. Sinning's my favorite. Part II

"We are not here to change people’s beliefs, but rather to be that helping hand when they feel there is no one else out there for them."

This is continuation of Part I of Cece's story.

Getting to a stable mental place allowed me to start thinking about what I could do to help people in similar situations to me. When I first started looking at the exjw subreddit, it was difficult because seeing posts about situations similar to mine would bring up so many negative thoughts and emotions. However, as I was going through therapy and working on my issues, I could look at those posts and start offering support. I had been in the similar situations and I knew how it felt to be abandoned and hurt.

One amazing thing helped me put things in perspective. It was when everyone posted their selfies. I know it can be a controversial subject, but the selfie craze made me see these posters were real people: People who needed help, needed to laugh, needed to find their own truth, and just needed a community. The waking up and escape process has many stages, and I felt I was at a good place to help. I just didn’t know how to help. I would leave comments for people, but I knew that my skill with words and expressing my emotions was lacking. I would see things here and there about the Tapir Signal, but was discouraged that it seemed to be only for helping exmormons. I just didn’t see the exjws having something as organized as that, but I felt like maybe it could be something in the future.

In the meantime, I became an admin on the Exjw subreddit’s Discord server. It was amazing to see how many people just needed a place to come and have casual conversation about anything and everything. It hasn’t been that long, but amazing friendships have formed and it feels like I have a family again at times. Later down the road though, something came up about a Sparlock Signal specifically for exjws. Excitedly I applied, but was worried I would not be able to help as I’m not great with talking to people.

I found out quickly that there is so much more to it than just talking to people. There are so many behind-the-scenes things to do. You can help program bots and websites, gather and compile resources, be on the lookout for those in need, open up your home to those in need, offer a kind word to those who are feeling down, and be there in support of each other. Those are just a few things volunteers give of their time to accomplish.

I started helping create a map of all the volunteers and looking for those in need on the subreddits. I alert volunteers about those who need immediate help or even those who just need a kind word and encouragement. One thing that appealed to me was that it was not necessary to wake people up, but instead to help those already awake or just struggling in general. We are not here to change people’s beliefs, but rather to be that helping hand when they feel there is no one else out there for them.

We have to be realistic in expectations of ourselves. We cannot help every individual, but we do our best. I know I will have my days when I am down, but on the days where I feel I can help, I want to be there to make sure that someone has the help they need. As always, whether you are having a good day or a rough day, I’m sending you all lots of internet hugs.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

I like to sin. Sinning's my favorite. Part I

"The next couple of years would be challenging as I came to the realization that I was living in a cult and everything I had known was a lie."

Hi, I’m u/Cecelia92, and everyone usually calls me Cece. I was raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. My father was an elder, and my mother a pioneer. Growing up, I never celebrated holidays or birthdays. I wasn’t allowed to be friends with kids at school or participate in any school sports, activities, or clubs. Instead, my time was spent going to meetings three times a week, going out in service on the weekends, and making sure to study for all the meetings.

Once I graduated high school, I spent three years pioneering, spending at least seventy hours a month doing the preaching work. As higher education is discouraged, my options were limited after high school. I wish I could have made a decision for myself about what I wanted to study in community college, but my decision for higher education was driven by what would make good money and still allow me to pioneer. I went into the local community college’s accounting program, but I never finished as I ran out of scholarship and personal money. Eventually I had to stop attending school once I picked up a part-time job to help pay for food and housing for my family, as my parents were out of work at the time.

That was a stressful time for me. Many in the congregation told me to pray more to deal with my depression. I had few friends and I reached out to anyone I could find. This included those who I had met on the Internet. Eventually I became friends with someone who connected with me on so many levels. We started dating long distance, and after things started to get serious I knew I couldn’t keep it a secret for long.

One thing that pushed me over the edge to confess was my guilt that I was taking advantage of my parents. I remember my mother telling a friend of hers that if one of her kids was not going to follow Jehovah anymore, she would rather know sooner so then she wouldn't waste any more time on them. That stuck with me. At the same time, I was pitting the feelings in my heart against the small whispers of guilt in my head. I had a plan in place. I knew I would probably get disfellowshipped, but after we got married and were not sinning anymore, I would return. In order to get the process going, I had to confess my sin, of dating an unbeliever, to the Elders.

After confessing, I met with three Elders from the congregation. They told me it was a sin to marry someone outside of the organization. They proceeded to ask me question upon question about my history with my boyfriend. Did we commit fornication? How far did we go? What exactly did we do? Did we enjoy it? How many times? And many more intimate and embarrassing questions. After writing all of my answers down, they tried to make me doubt my relationship with my boyfriend, insinuating that because he was a worldly person, he might be doing drugs or cheating on me, and he was basically worthless.

I was sobbing the entire meeting and after I left I couldn’t cry anymore. I knew my parents wouldn’t allow me to stay at their home, so I packed up and left as soon as I could. The next couple of years would be challenging as I came to the realization that I was living in a cult and everything I had known was a lie. It all started when I came across the exjw subreddit accidentally by pressing the “random” button on reddit. I knew I probably shouldn’t look at it, but I figured I was already disfellowshipped, so what could really happen?

So I learned about JWfacts.com and JWsurvery.org. Learning all the history, facts, and current cover ups was huge for me. The biggest thing that drove me to decide to never go back was that I never ever wanted to put my future children through what I was going through. I did not want an organization telling me I needed to shun my children because they made a mistake or turned out to be “different” in their eyes.

Because I was disfellowshipped, I lost all contact with my family and friends and they would not respond to anything I sent them. I felt lonely and I struggled to stay afloat mentally. At night, I would lay awake sobbing, just missing my family. Even though good things were happening in my life including getting married, moving into a nice apartment, making friends, my husband graduating college and getting a good starting job, I still felt hurt inside that I could not heal.

It all came to a head one weekend. I wanted to die. I couldn’t take the pain anymore, and I just wanted to get revenge on my family for abandoning me. My husband was barely able to drag me out of it, but we agreed I would get professional help. Starting the process was hard, but it has been so helpful. It has led me to becoming calmer and realizing where a lot of my pain comes from. It is an ongoing process, but getting to a stable place allowed me to start looking at what I could do to start helping other people, which we will discuss next week.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

All Hail the Mighty Warrior Wizards

"People leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses can face some truly harrowing obstacles, and often have to do so without the support of their parents, siblings, and friends. It can be a gut-wrenching experience."

On the family tree of the ex-religious, ex-Mormons and ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses are close cousins. That’s why it was so easy for the Tapir Signal to expand to include those shaking off the yoke of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. On the ex-JW subreddit, though, the Tapir Signal is more commonly known as the Sparlock symbol.

What’s Sparlock? Allow us to present this visual aid:

(Yes, that video is real. No, you are not wrong for feeling terribly angry about it.)

Sparlock is a warrior wizard toy in the universe of the “Be Jehovah’s Friend” video series produced by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. The video was released five years ago to show parents how to talk to their children about obeying the commandments of Jehovah.

On the ex-JW subreddit, Sparlock quickly became a rallying point, a symbol against everything ex-members find wrong with the Society – the stifling of creative and critical thinking, the emotional blackmail used to keep members in line, and the arbitrary rules Witnesses are required to adhere to, among other things.

And now, Sparlock is a symbol for the courageous, magical things the ex-JW community is doing to help members who are struggling.

We acknowledge that many people find comfort and joy in the Kingdom Halls across the country. However, we also know that the Jehovah’s Witnesses have severely harmed countless individuals. Leaders have covered up child sexual abuse, relying on heinous standards of proof to confirm abuse and failing to alert the proper authorities when it is uncovered. People have died because the tenets of this religion prohibit members from receiving life-saving blood transfusions. They are commanded to shun anyone who disassociates or is disfellowshipped, ripping families apart .

People leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses can face some truly harrowing obstacles, and often have to do so without the support of their parents, siblings, and friends. It can be a gut-wrenching experience. That’s why it’s so important to have compassionate, dedicated volunteers on their side – people willing to fight for others, to defend them in times of peril, to help them see the magic in a life outside of a Kingdom Hall. In effect, they need warrior wizards.

So while we love Gandalf and Dumbledore, when we need help, we’re calling on Sparlock.