Official Tapir Signal Blog: December 2017

Sunday, December 31, 2017

A Year in Review

"Ow, ow, ow! Why does it burn?!!!"

Happy New Years Eve, you filthy heathens. We really hope you have plans to engage in shenanigans and debauchery tonight (as much shenanigans and debauchery as you’re comfortable with, and please don’t get arrested).

It’s been quite a year for the Tapir/Sparlock Signal crew. The Sparlock/Tapir Signal mods connected dozens of volunteers with people in need and helped out quite a few people themselves. u/Hiking1950 in particular worked tirelessly to make sure that everyone who asked for help was addressed. u/Hasbrochem just annoyed the shit out of everyone (and, yes, was useful at times).

In March, u/Hiking1950 made the first post that sparked the Signal. Within hours, people swarmed to offer to help with food, money, and emotional support. Oh, how we’ve grown.

In April we formally adopted the name Tapir Signal. Originally, we did calls-to-action under the heading of “Exmormon Bat Signal” but tapirs hold more meaning for the exmormon crowd.

Reddit exmormon user u/zombie-roboto also made is this very fetching Tapir Signal to post every time we got a call for help. u/sushi-hamburger also created a TapirBotMan Signal.

In June the Official Tapir Signal Blog went live. We’ve had posts on everything from suicide awareness and prevention, to stories about ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses celebrating holidays for the first time, to stories introducing our volunteers.

In July we welcomed the exJWs, who were too cool for tapirs and put a fresh new spin on things by sending out the Sparlock Signal for their members in need. It was the beginning of a beautiful partnership.

In August we celebrated the end of summer.

In September we added our 200th volunteer to the Signal volunteer list!

In October the dead rose from their graves and we beat them back riding tapirs and wielding wands!

In November we teamed up with Lindsey Hansen Park and the charitable organization Cherish Families to send gifts to ex-FLDS families who celebrated Christmas for their first time this year.

In December we reached 325 people on our volunteer list!

Thank you everyone who has given their time, talents, money, guest rooms, vehicles, and more to help out exmormons and exJWs in need. We truly could not do this without all of you. We hope you know how much you are appreciated, because you really are.

In 2018, we hope we can grow and help even more people. Some of our processes may change as we continue to figure out the best, most efficient ways to deliver aid, but we’re still all about serving those who need help. Soon we’d like to add more volunteers for suicide awareness, so keep an eye out for that call in the coming months. We may even start tracking stats this year – who knows?

But most importantly, all of us here at Tapir/Sparlock Signal wish you and yours a happy, healthy, heathen-ly new year. May this be the year that you break the chains, your family follows you out, you find a beer you like, you drink a cup of coffee, you celebrate a birthday, and that you wake up in the morning and feel free.

If you are in need of help, you can reach us here.

If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433.

If you are LGBT+ and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564 or find them online here.

Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help.

Lastly, if you would like to be involved or volunteer, you can reach out to us here.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

On Christmas we wear plaid

"I get to celebrate freedom every year on January 1. And the renewal of the lease on my apartment."

If this is halfway celebrating, look out for when DW goes all in.

DW’s enjoying her first Christmas tomorrow after 31 years inside the Jehovah’s Witnesses. She’s been slowly fading away for a year, quietly celebrating her birthday, Thanksgiving, and other holidays. Christmas is going to be pretty low-key, she said.

“I don’t think I’ll ever properly celebrate,” she said. “I don’t plan on buying decorations or a tree. It strikes me as a bit of a hassle. Rebuilding my life and psyche is work enough.”

For a long time as a believer, DW was afraid that God would be angry with her for going against his wishes like celebrating holidays and birthdays – even though she wanted to.

“In my mind it was pain to be endured for a higher calling. I couldn’t risk God destroying me over a cake,” she said.

If that just broke your heart (you’re not alone), fear not – DW has left that fear behind and her first Christmas season was fabulous. She attended a Victorian-themed Christmas party (everyone wore plaid), went to a meet-up to visit a huge local Christmas tree, did a gift-exchange with some fellow ex-JWs, and will be spending Christmas day with her still-believing family (just not, y’know, calling it a Christmas celebration).

She’s not sure whether celebrating any of the holidays will become an annual tradition, but the important part for her is having the freedom to participate or not on her own terms. She told her family last New Years Eve that she was leaving the JWs, “So literally this year has been my first year as a free person,” she said. That means her first birthday, Pride Parade, Thanksgiving, and a lot of other personal milestones.

“Leaving the JWs has been more about allowing myself to participate in these social occasions where people gather to bond and share good company,” she said.

So as we stare down the barrel of Christmas, this is our holiday wish for you, from all of us Tapir/Sparlock volunteers: We hope that you too are able to gather and share good company. We hope that the new year brings you peace and freedom, just like DW. We hope that you know that we care about you and want the best for you, and that, if you need us, we’ll be here.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Pagans Make the Best Eggnog

"I was always pushing the limits because I hated the idea of “you can’t do it because you’re a girl.” I carried that with me into adulthood... I really didn’t want to be just somebody’s wife."

It’s Christmastime again, Charlie Brown, so we’re continuing to share stories of ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses who are celebrating the holidays for their first time.

As we mentioned last week, the Governing Body of the Jehovah’s Witnesses encourages members to forego all holiday celebrations. Christmas is blacklisted because so many of its traditions are predicated on pagan rituals.

BomberButch, who left the JWs three years ago, is a go-big-or-go-home kind of girl when it comes to her apostasy, so she cut out the middleman and delved straight into celebrating the pagan holy day of Yule.

Yule?

Yule is Christmas. It marks the birth of the sun god after he died at Samhain (Halloween). You can burn a Yule log, depending on your tradition. The exchange of gifts is common, just like Christmas. There’s a decorated tree in some traditions.

How are you celebrating it this year?>

It’s not my first year celebrating, but prior to this year I’ve been doing it quietly. I’m a lot more open now that I’m not scared that someone is going to walk in and bust me at any moment. Many of us spend Yule with our families so we combine the traditions like I’ll be doing. I don’t have a fire place, so no Yule log, but I’ve decorated the tree with my fiancée and her mom, and we’re putting wrapped presents under it and having Christmas dinner. Then I’m going to stay up all night and meditate and watch the sun rise.

What drew you to paganism?

The presence of the Goddess. When I was growing up, I sometimes visited my biological father and he’s a traditionalist and a Muslim – so strict constraints on women and social culture. I was always pushing the limits because I hated the idea of “you can’t do it because you’re a girl.” I carried that with me into adulthood, and it’s really present with the Witnesses. Women can’t give talks by themselves, go to the door by themselves, and I really didn’t want to be just somebody’s wife.

I tried Wicca for a good bit. They have more structure and coming from the JWs, I needed it. After a while, it got too constrictive for me. I branched out into paganism. Being a pagan allows me to explore paths and ways of thinking that weren’t open to me before.

For the folks at home, give us a quick run-down of paganism.

It differs widely from person to person and it all depends on what path you follow. For me, paganism is the presence of the God and the Goddess and recognizing that there are two halves to the whole. I, with many others, celebrate based on the seasons around the solstices. A lot of us try to bring back the tradition around the way those days were celebrated in history.

Doing your first pagan ritual must have been really scary, especially since your family were very strong witnesses when you began exploring outside of the organization.

So much programming. I kept telling myself for the first three years, “Jehovah would rather you be happy and die than live forever and be miserable,” and that got me through. When I got my first pentacle – I’m actually wearing that one now – I was terrified to be caught with it so I pinned it to my bra. Now I wear it openly and it’s liberating.

My first ritual was Drawing Down the Moon. Every ritual is different from person to person. Many of us write them ourselves and they change with you as you grow up and learn more. I did it through the window of my bedroom at midnight when everyone else was asleep. I was scared shitless and I could only see a bit of the full moon from where I was. But during that ritual – I didn’t believe in magick before that. That ritual cemented it. I get goosebumps thinking about. It was better than any high I’ve gotten – just divine connection.

Kind of a personal question, but you said you’re going to spend the night of Yule meditating – what are you meditating on?

It’s a time of rebirth, so probably my future and my past, and moving forward in life. It’s a time of darkness into light, so you think about your past and where you’ve been, and how that made you what you are and where you’re going to go from here.

If you would like to share your experience(s) about your first holidays after losing or changing your beliefs, you can get in touch with us here. Stay safe this holiday season.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Holidays Gifts are Cool, World Peace Would be Better

"I have warm fuzzy feelings at the prospect of Christmas that I never thought I’d have."

Alexandria’s got her Christmas plans pretty buttoned-down.

“All I want is to cook and bake and drink. That sounds like a pretty good Christmas,” she said.

And if that sounds low-key, that’s fine – this holiday season is all about baby steps, since it’s Alexandria’s first ever. She and her husband left the Jehovah’s Witnesses this summer, and they’re experiencing all of the holidays for the first time this year.

The JWs eschew all birthday and holiday celebrations. Christmas is on the blacklist because JWs believe they are supposed to commemorate Jesus’ death rather than birth, and because many traditions, like Christmas trees, Yule logs, etc., are rooted in pagan traditions. Many ex-JWs would also point out it’s because the members of the Governing Body are a bunch of Grinches, but that is not listed among the official reasons.

As a kid, Alexandria always knew that holidays weren’t allowed.

“I don’t remember there being a time when I didn’t know I was to be different. Being a JW was who you are and what you do, not a choice,” she said. “If I did feel envy of the other kids, it was usually disguised as judgement and feeling superior.”

But there was a small part of her that wanted to join in the fun.

“I think for both my husband and myself, Halloween has always been the one holiday that we really, really wanted to celebrate,” she said. “So even though we didn’t really have the intention of celebrating or decorating for the holiday, we did want to give out candy – and from there we felt like we wanted to decorate the house and we really got into it.”

(Author’s note: I’ve seen photos of the scarecrow Alexandria’s husband made. It was super-creepy. They did a great job.)

(Editor's note: reliability of Author is currently unknown. 😁)

Thanksgiving was easy and fun to celebrate, if only because she’s done it before. She attended two Friendsgivings and she’s looking forward to hosting one next year. Many JWs, Alexandria said, celebrate Thanksgiving in all but name. If turkey’s on sale, you might as well eat on a Thursday in November, after all. But for Christmas, she’s planning to step up her game.

“Lamb or pork crown. Mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, green bean casserole, pies and cookies,” she said, reeling off a menu that a Michelin chef would make Faustian bargains to cook. “I have homemade spiked eggnog that’s aging.”

She and her husband are celebrating with a friend whose wife and family are still full Witnesses, and a mutual friend who would have otherwise been alone that day. They’re probably not going to get a tree or do anything involving Santa, though.

“I’m not sure we’ll ever want a tree or Santa,” she added. “We simply don’t have the nostalgia for it, I think is part of it. But, Christmas is a holiday where even if you don’t observe, you get well-wishes, cards, and even gifts. I want to reciprocate. It’s nice to include myself, if I want to.”

Her get-together might not be a big celebration, but it’s a good way to mark her very first Christmas.

And if you want to get Alexandria a gift, please don’t start a war.

“I’m not big on expecting gifts. I just want to enjoy the holiday and get to bask in the love and attention,” she said. “World peace would be cool, though.”

If you would like to share your experience(s) about your first holidays after losing or changing your beliefs, you can contact us. Stay safe this holiday season.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Suicide Awareness - The Fifth of a 7-Part Series

A quick reminder, we are still working with the charitable organization Cherish Families and Lindsay Hansen Park to help those who have left the FLDS group to have a merry christmas. If you can, please help and thank you to everyone who already has!

"Laura said she’d had the most meaningful conversations of her life on the [psych] ward because no one held anything back, and it was a relief to stop pretending that things were okay."

This is the fifth of our seven part series. Please check out the previous posts if you haven't already ( Part 1, Part Two, Part III, and Part 4). Now to the good stuff.

Professional Care, Part 2: Hospitalization

The process of entering a psychiatric ward is complicated and potentially problematic. Here are some tips:

Hospitalization is sometimes necessary and can be very helpful. Depressed people are able to receive medication much more quickly there, because hospitals are able to safely administer larger doses and titrate down, while psychiatrists working with patients outside the hospital must start with small amounts and slowly work up to an effective dose. Also, psych wards have teams that set up after-care (therapists, psychiatrists, and partial or outpatient programs) much more efficiently than we can.
Because certain factors increase the likelihood that someone will act on suicidal impulses, they also increase the need for hospitalization. If someone is willing to talk to you about their suicidal feelings, they want your help. Don’t be afraid to ask the key questions:

Have you ever attempted suicide?
Have you been hospitalized for depression?
Do you have a suicide plan?
If so, what is that plan?

Make sure that you understand the local laws regarding psychiatric hospitalization, particularly because some counselors may be ignorant or in an excess of caution may gloss over certain things to get the desired result. The bottom line is that it’s almost always in the patient’s best interest to enter the hospital voluntarily. This enables the person to leave within a short amount of time, should they need to do so. Even more importantly, it makes hospitalization more of a choice. That makes it easier for the patient to trust and cooperate with care providers.
If a policy seems unreasonable, ask the nurses about it. Surprisingly, some of what we had been told at the emergency room about the psych ward’s rules turned out to be inaccurate and might have worsened Laura’s situation had we acted on it. We were able to get correct information from the nurses and by searching the internet for articles about state laws. You shouldn’t have to do research at such a time, but Google is your friend. [Editor's irrelevant note: I prefer DuckDuckGo]
Insurance may cover the cost of an advocate for a hospitalized patient. Advocates work directly with the patient, the family, and caregivers to ensure that needs are met. Although we did not have time to do so, I would suggest that anyone who is hospitalized for a psychiatric condition immediately ask mental health providers to recommend an advocate. Having someone who knows the system and can focus on the needs of one patient specifically will enhance the patient’s chances of receiving excellent care.
Being in a psych ward has its ups and downs. Laura said she’d had the most meaningful conversations of her life on the ward because no one held anything back, and it was a relief to stop pretending that things were okay. She became deeply engaged with the other patients and admired the care providers so much that she began to consider becoming an occupational therapist. The hospital set her up with a diagnosis, medication, and an excellent and conveniently located outpatient program. By the time she left, although she was still anxious and depressed she was no longer suicidal.

But confinement was hard for her. She longed to be outdoors and active. The food was not good. Some of her belongings were stolen. It was hard to sleep when nurses checked on her every fifteen minutes and other patients were screaming. For these reasons, even though Laura had not fully recovered when she left the hospital it was best to accept a short-term stay there and follow up with an outpatient program.

Tapir Signal is looking for volunteers in a variety of areas including housing, employment, and other practical concerns as well as LGBT issues and suicide awareness. Suicide awareness volunteers must be 21 or older. They should be mental health practitioners and/or have personal or close family experience with suicide.

If you are in need of help, you can reach us here.

If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433 (outside the US, these calls are free via Skype).

If you are LGBT+ and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564 or find them online here.

Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help.

Lastly, if you would like to be involved or volunteer, you can reach out to us here.